Head-Banging-Ache

This weekend was actually really spent at home, more specifically, in my room. I’m feeling rather sick, or perhaps I’m feeling this way because I’ve had too much sleep. It’s a vicious cycle, you know- too much sleep, you wake up, get a headache from too much sleep, so you try to sleep it off, then wake up, and hey- it’s still there… so that’s how it went. Yeah, the whole weekend.

I had to miss out on a friend’s wedding, which was quite sad because I was quite looking forward to it. He was from my secondary school, we were in the same band, and his sister was a trainee at my old school. What a pity. And it was only like… a few busstops away but that headache was just too much. I actually got as far as putting on my baju kurung and eye-makeup, and then I felt like I couldn’t stay vertical anymore. So I kaplunked back into bed, with glittery silver eyeshadow and mascara. It was no surprise that I looked like Courtney Love when I woke up again hours later (prolly that’s what caused Ooyah to shriek her way out of the room, seeing a monster that had swallowed her Mama up).

Finally I felt better (at NINE PM). Ooyah had gone too bed, extra early today at 8PM. The poor baby did not have her regular nap today, probably thinking that we were going out (she’s very aware of what day of the week it is, the clever girl). I was feeling peckish, not having eaten ANYTHING the whole day (AND I SURVIVED!) and pleaded with the husband to go to 7-11 to get me some… cake. I don’t know- just felt like having a Sara Lee. I thought it was too late at night to be having his mom’s nasi minyak (??!!!!) He convinced me to drag my ass out of bed and go for some coffee. Hell yeah.

Of all places, we just HAD to go to delifrance. We figured that it’s the best place to chill out (!!!!), in Jurong Point, mind you, on a Sunday night. It was the most ‘private’ kinda place there. Coffee bean is just too noisy and crowded, and McCafe? Forget about it. I just brushed my hair a bit, put on lipstick, and actually went out in what I was sleeping in (and no, I wasn’t wearing a baju butterfly, if that’s what you’re thinking.) That’s how bad the ’I-couldn’t-care-less’ state I was in. We ended up having a very bready meal- sandwich, garlic bread, croissant, and a crepe suzzette which set us back 42 bucks. What’s up with that? We didn’t even have a proper meal. It was such a rip off. We could have actually DINED for real at… I don’t know… Siam Kitchen or something.

When we were at the cashier at Delifrance, I was looking at the supervisor of the place. Real nice guy. But then I saw his name tag and before I ran out to stop myself from exploding, I quickly told the husband to look at the guy’s name tag.

The poor poor guy. I think he might be nepalase or something- perhaps his name, in his native language, has a real good meaning. I really hope so. But it just doesn’t work here. And he’s actually better off working here, compared to Malaysia.

His name?

Macam Babu. With a ‘h’ in between C and A. Kesian, kan???? How could his parents (if they’re local) name him THAT?

In retrospect, I sure hope it’s a nickname or something that they put on their name tags. Maybe it’s a prank, huh? Poor guy- and he’s SO hardworking and all. Tskkk.

So now I am wide awake, highly inventive and talkative, and nowhere to channel all the energy to. And I’ve got a meeting to attend in school at 9am. Bummer. AND now I’m feeling like nasi minyak plus ayam masak merah. Shit. Now it’s WAYYYYYYYY to late. (Or too early, if I think positive).

Now I feel like watching A Night at the Roxbury again after watching SNL’s Best of Will Ferrell. Love that movie. Am considering putting Haddaway’s ‘What is Love’  as my ringtone at the expense of being gossipped about as having ‘bad taste in music’. Well not everybody has watched that amazing movie, and those who have are in the know.

Get ready to do the head side-banging thang, people.

 

The Importance of Being Idle.

I know I sound like I’m actually bragging about having a lot of time on my hands. Well when there’s no time, we complain, too much time, also must complain. Sigh. Such are the perils of being mortal, eh?

I’m gonna do it anyway, that is, complain. Just let me.

I have so much time on my hands that I did another comic for Ooyah over at her site. I think I should be churning out more comics for her, since there are so many pics of her that are just lying around dormant in some memory stick/hard drive/ website somewhere.

And perhaps I should get them printed out and framed? And put up in her room? No?

I have so much time on my hands that I COMPLETED THE WHOLE DINER DASH GAME (all levels okay, some levels with expert score, don’t pray pray) on my PSP. Nimble fingers, you say? Yeah perhaps, but TOO MUCH TIME, that’s for sure.

And I’m actually picking up books again (other than Ooyah’s Ladybird Readers and other flimsy baby books), finishing The Hungry Tide by Amitav Ghosh and Grotesque by Natsuo Kirino. Now that’s an achievement for me. This book will be next, not that I need any help in being idle.

I spent another night in Teban yesterday, an unplanned stay since somebody decided to put up a big fight about going home and insists on going out, or as she puts it: “NAK JALAN! NAK JALAN! TANAK BALIKKKK!” (amplify this by a million decibels, punctuate with a scream at the end) after our usual Friday night outing. She enjoys staying over in Teban because she has an insomniac grandmother there who’d rather watch the Disney playhouse channel with her till really late than toss and turn sleepless in bed. No insomniacs in our Jurong home, unluckily for her.

But come to think of it, perhaps I do not actually have so much time. I’m quite sure I have as much time as anybody else does (oh, but children aged 2- they DEFINITELY are given literally more time than us normal people, say, their day has SIXTY hours or something). So I don’t actually have so much time- I’m just- slacking. My life is just moving at a much slower pace (some days- negligible pace) like in Antartica or Bhutan or something. Well even Bhutan is seeing some action these days, new king and all…

So please, don’t envy or hate me. It’s November, you know. It has been quite a while since I was last this idle. And I know for a fact that next year will be hell for me (my 2009 work calendar is nicely filled up already, okay, gimme a break mannnn.)

So this shall be my guiding mantra this last two months of the year.

“All day long no plans. And I remain at leisure. “
- Wang Wei

And if you ask me who Wang Wei is, I am actually so free that I know he is a 7th century Tang dynasty poet. Impressive huh? All thanks to Wikipedia and the abundant interesting useless knowledge that I am actually READING excitedly. How about that?

And I’m so idle, I’m gonna start writing haikus on this blog. Or I could do pantun too, except it would be totally predictable (malay cikgu writing pantun what). Heck. Just for the fun of it. Here’s one:

the monsoon season
has started, albeit late.
i’ve nothing to do!

So, what are you guys doing on Monday? Wanna join me and compose some haikus on your blog?

Which is goooooood, of course…. :)

It has been so long since I last updated… it must be that… hmm… I have a life these days to enjoy.
That’s how the pattern is- I write a lot and often when I’m 1) real busy, (2) stressed and actually (3) have NO time to spare. Funny huh? Which means these few weeks I have experienced none of those 3 situations above (which is gooooood, of course…)

So here are the major happenings in my currently stress-free life, not in chronological order.

School’s OUT and Invigilation ‘Duties’

School’s out; not totally out, but the kids do not have to come to school anymore (which is goooooooood, of course…). On top of that, I am officially down for O-level invigilation duty, which means I don’t have to report to school everyday from 8.30-12.30. Yeah I know- that sounds like a good deal as it is, but as an invigilator, I report to another school say… 10.30-11.45… and NOT EVERYDAY. Again- which is gooooooood, of course.

And invigilation is a no-brainer job; you basically just give out papers, take attendance, look like you are scrutinizing EVERY candidate (so that they are deterred from peeking at someone’s answer, for example), when in fact you are fantasizing about what to eat for lunch/ that new loewe bag/ your husband etc. , walk about, hum tunes in your head, look at your watch from time to time, and, oh- it’s suddenly the end of the paper and you collect them. That’s it! (AND I get paid extra for doing these no-brainer things. Snort.)

The Return of The Bav Friend

I had a good time about 2 weeks ago when my Bav Friend came down to Singapore with her babygirl Divya. The gang (namely Angel, Bav, myself and Lalitha) spent a few nights out together, namely to Binge, Blab, and Boogie (and Boobie too, perhaps?). It was fun, although it did feel quite weird to be coming home at 3am in the morning a few nights. The Bav has gone back to Idaho at the end of October (and I suspect she had to go back so soon to give her hero all the support he can get heheheheh. She has, afterall, become an Obamania. Well it was all worth it, I say, eh Bav? )

Sharing Sessions and Seminars at MOE HQ

I also had to attend a few seminars at the HQ recently and it was nice to see so many of my buddies there: those from my previous school/ cluster/ diploma buddies and the list goes on. That’s what happens when you have one of those big seminars involving Malay language teachers from the pri and sec school. Oh and of course I saw the tong kosongs (empty vessels) – particularly one who looked so pathetic and friendless, trying frantically to mingle with the crowd only to realize no one wanted to talk to her. Oh how sad. So much for her efforts to name drop all the time, that she knows so-and-so at hq, or from this school, or from that. Sad sad sad. So you’re all not so great after all, huh? Now what did our mothers say about ‘empty vessels make the most noise’ or the Malay equivalent ‘tong kosong nyaring bunyinya’? Well, looks like that’s what you two have become. Having spent so many years alive, you should really know (at least BY NOW) that talking a lot of bull doesn’t get you anywhere, really. The pen, afterall, is mightier than the sword. Nor all your bullshitting and drama in class, for that matter.

The sharing session I attended last gave me some insight and ideas about what I could do for my Jakarta/Yogyakarta trip in March next year. It’s a helluva lot of work, I can tell you that, and my boss has entrusted me with this whole project all on my own. Yikes. I have called in for a few quotations, and if all goes well, we’d be going for a recce trip in January. So that’s one more thing to look forward to in 2009- certainly going to be a very busy year for me. Can I say, which is gooooooood, of course? (At least for the appraisal, no?)

3D2N Virus-Getaway at Teban Resort

I also decided to stay over at my mom’s place in Teban from Sunday till Wednesday since our household has been infected by the flu bug (courtesy of Ooyah- her bugs are the most vicious ones). We thought we’d give his parents a break (from her, heheheheh) so they can rest and recuperate. Unfortunately, the bug had infected Ooyah’s papa too, and HE then spread it to the Teban household. So it was like a family vacation over in Teban Resort, except the vacation was spent mostly in bed.

Russell Peters the Letdown-Standup Comic

And then just 2 days ago, even though we had the sniffles, we went to see Russell Peters at the Rock auditorium. As the husband has mentioned, I feel that he has been quite a letdown, considering he was actually at a loss for words several times. We spent $100 each for the tickets; I can imagine how much more disappointed I would feel if we had gone ahead and bought the more expensive tickets. If I had been in the front row that night and seen him that disappointing, I would have begged him to pick on me, just to get a kick out of it! Perhaps it was because it was his second show in sg, and his last show in the asian tour… but c’mon…. do some research will ya?

So now we’re back at home- the flu bug is clearing up, and I’m still slacking. I’m actually so bored that I’m secretly looking forward to going back to school tomorrow for band practice. Yikes. And the husband has just called to ask if Kota Kinabalu near the end of this month is alright. Which is gooooooood of course since I have become so bloody sick of Singapore lately. Now it’s just a matter of going to the next Meet The People session in our neighbourhood so I can beg Cedric The Entertainer MP for a letter to lift the 3-year ban.

Time to write a dramatic, tear-jerker script….

Jalan Raya Do’s and Don’ts

Blackcadillac and his Black Garage

The husband is away till the later part of this week, so I decided to pack my bags and do the sleepover thang at my parents’ place in Teban. This works out well for both sides of the family- it gives mine the chance to catch up on lost time with their beloved Sarah (and ME of course hehehe) and for Ramli’s side- a much needed break.

Of course everytime I do a sleepover I lug with me almost everything I and the baby possess. And still, I would find some things missing, which means return trips to my house almost daily. So much for all the ‘lists’ that I prepared, I left the most important thing, that is, my handphone.

It is such a TIRING WEEK. Thanks to the weekend that was just over.

I am SO not looking to the weekends… the raya visiting is really wearing me out. But then again, I learnt a (painful) lesson last Sunday, after having nearly 30 people gatecrash my place without prior warning. Oh correction. They were told NOT to come but they just aren’t the sort of people who would heed such simple commands.

We were just about ready to leave for Ramli’s aunt’s place, when his mom received a call from someone that they’re ‘on the way’. This after being told that we are leaving. Nice.

She thought there would be about 8 people coming but she was oh-so-wrong. She was actually hospitable enough to put out a plate of fried noodles, a big bowl of beef curry and bread for the uninvited guests. But when we saw the hordes of people streaming through our door, we decided to pull out the fried noodles because it just wouldn’t look nice that we didn’t have enough.

Nevermind that. We did anticipate that there would be kids coming, but we didn’t know we should have kept away Ooyah’s toy cars. This particular brood of kids just decided to treat the toys as if it’s theirs. They crashed into everything, fought over everything, and basically, it was mayhem. I had to stifle my ‘angry-teacher’ scream, wishing I could smack their crummy faces.

Of course not one of the adults did anything. Oh correction again. There was ONE mother who just spoke to her kids LOUDLY from a distance in a semblance of English. “Don’t like that”. “I said no right?” “Stop sekarang.” “Jangan naughty eh listen to me.”

*rolls eyes*

And it doesn’t help that she had that stuck-up face as well, checking me up and down and not even smiling. Yeah, like you SOOO high class with your pungent B.O and all. Hrrmpph.

Akak oiii jangan nak step slang mat salleh ahhh kat sini kak… please lah kak eh… gua takleh angkat ah… lu punya anak ada bersepah tunggang-langgang macam pelesit kat rumah gua, lu jangan nak action Jo Frost kat sini k.

Boy I was visualizing myself spanking that rude boy nice and good. And his mom. Spank spank SPANK.

Instantly, I felt a horrid migraine seep through my veins up my neck. After taking out ALL THE GLASSES THAT WE OWN (that’s how many people there were) and pouring out all but three of the fizzy drinks that we had, I couldn’t take it. I shooed some kids away from lurking around the rooms, and sought refuge in the comfort of my room.

Ooyah came running after me clinging at my baju and feebly muttered, “Kara takut”.

Yes, Ooyah, me too.

Soon after, Ramli too couldn’t take it and ran into the room. We popped a few panadols and watched Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, praying hard inside that the guerillas wouldn’t wreck our study room and good books. Gulp.

Ooyah looked at me, held my hand, and said, “Kara tanak abang gitu”. (I don’t want such a brother- referring to the devil’s spawn boy outside who was wrecking her car and other toys.)

Outside, it was a chaos of screams and howls and shrieks (there were about 5 kids who were under 5, and 1 baby who was crying her lungs out non-stop).

They stayed for an hour (!!!!) and the mess they created was phenomenal. Of course NONE of them thought it would be necessary to help clear up (at least their plates and glasses!)

I have no qualms about having lots of people over to my place- in fact I do enjoy it (when it is PLANNED WELL of course!) but when huge ‘rombongan naik lori’ like this ‘attack’ your place, AND you don’t even KNOW THEM, it is really quite a pain in the ass.

So, let us all be reminded of raya-visiting ettiquette (since it is only the SECOND raya weekend this Saturday, it’s not too late for this):

1) DO call before you come. The reply ‘No, because we’re going out’ means ‘CANNOT COME WHETHER YOU THINK WE ARE LYING OR NOT!’
2) DO NOT visit past 11pm, unless the host begs you to come anyway.
3) DO NOT act hostile/ step eksyen/ stare up and down/ jeling/ sulk/ show fook-face at the hosts because- the relative’s home is NOT Giordano; they are NOT providing a service to you ok.
4) DO watch your kids; playing is fine but destroying someone’s home is not in any culture or civilization.
5) DO NOT lurk around the host’s house. The host’s house is NOT a HDB showflat. If anything at all goes missing, even a sock, we’ll just have to blame YOU for it for the rest of our lives and label your family ’panjang tangan’.
6) DO offer to clear up the mess. Even though the host will probably tell you to ‘just leave the mess there’, they usually don’t mean it- any help is appreciated.
7) REFRAIN from going around visiting in groups of TWENTY AND ABOVE, especially if the host only knows ONE person out of the thirty. It’s really really fun for you but not the host. REALLY really.
REFRAIN from staying over and hour at a relative’s place (unless it’s someone really close to you like, say, YOUR MOM). And for groups above TWENTY, DO NOT stay for more than 30 minutes lest you want to risk the host not giving your fifteen kids ANY MONEY AT ALL. Too bad.

……………………………….

This is Ooyah, still traumatised by the unruly visitors.

Minah with her tacky shades.

Oh boy oh boy. Is it THE WEEKEND ALREADY? *bangs head on wall*

Because

I think this is one of the most beautiful songs every written, in all its simplicity (the lyrics, the melody). Some may think that the lyrics are a bit emo and dramatic, but I think sometimes simple beautiful things do make me want to cry.

But then again (as those who know me well will jolly well tell you hehehe), I cry for the slightest nonsensical thing. Emo lah.

I prefer this version to the original beatles one. Somehow this one is more sombre and beautiful to me.  

A dark rainy day like today, no invigilation which means NO STUDENTS… and just marking…
Sigh. Beautiful. 

Because
Because the world is round it turns me on
Because the world is round…

Because the wind is high it blows my mind
Because the wind is high……
Love is all, love is new
Love is all, love is you

Because the sky is blue, it makes me cry
Because the sky is blue…

SATU Hari di Hari Raya…

This year must be one of the most ‘no-mood’ raya’s I’ve seen before. It’s midweek to begin with,and on top of that, school-going kids are in the midst of end-of-year exams and national exams (N, O level and PSLE). The kids in school have pretty much resigned to their fate; for most of them Syawal tomorrow means just the obligatory visit to grandparents’ or VIP relatives, and that’s just about it. Then it’s back to the books. Poor things.

It isn’t any better for me either because I’m now working out a ’schedule’ in my head of how I’m going to complete my exam marking with all the raya visiting. Bummer.

In my school, the OM made an announcement this morning in the spirit of spreading Syawal joy- on Thursday, kids are encouraged to come in their raya best (AND sit for the exams). Such an announcement would normally  be well received with loud cheering and applause, but this time round- the kids responded in one resonating LAUGHTER. One of ridicule, of you-gotta-be-kidding-us. Obviously, the kids think this is no season to be merry.

Despite the fact that more than a third of the teaching population are Malays, I was quite surprised to be one of the only TWO teachers who wore a traditional outfit to school today. I remember in FH, there was an unspoken understanding that the day before raya, we’d be wearing baju kurungs and kebayas. Even the non-Malays would make an effort and dress up, just to get into the mood. As I looked at the whole school in the parade square and making a mental note of how MANY Malays there are in TW, it dawned upon me that in this school, you don’t have to make an effort to be seen. To be noticed you are Malay. In FH, perhaps it was just our way to make our presence felt.

I can’t decide now which one is sadder.

In the homefront, the house is pretty much ready for visitors. All nicely cleaned up and decorated. I spent the whole of last night, all the way till the time I leave for school, making my kek kukus. Despite the grogginess and well-steamed hands, it was well worth it cos this seems to be my best batch of kek kukus ever. Now all I’m left with to do is to sew the hemline of Ooyah’s baju kurung and also alter mine.

To all my Muslim friends, here’s wishing you Salam Aidifitri, Minal Aidil wal-Faizin. 
LET’S GET BACK TO HANGIN’ OUT, Y’ALL!!!!

Under the Knife

I went under the knife (again!) on Friday, after suffering an agonizing pain that made me leave school on impulse- I couldn’t bear with the pain, not a minute more! The appointment was initially made at 2.30pm, but since I couldn’t take it anymore, I left school at 11am and rushed to the doc’s.

This time it was less painful, although I immediately started tearing when the doctor said he’s gonna cut it. And I KNEW he was gonna say that, even half-hoping that he would CUT IT to alleviate the pain. Probably the last experience traumatised me so much, the horrifying flashback brought me to tears. The doctor must be thinking- what a big wimp, this one!!!!

“Nurse, prepare the BLADE and iodine….(then muttering of medical stuff I can’t quite make out but it all sounded BAAAADDDD…)”

As I lay on the surgery table (yes, this clinic had one), my tears rolled down my cheeks. I HAD to ask, “Is it going to hurt real bad?”. The stoic-faced doctor actually said in a ‘duhh!’ way- ‘yesss…. the jab is the more painful one’. Gee, thanks. That really helped.

Then he said,”okay… I’m gonna use the tiniest needle, don’t worry…”

What? You could actually choose to torment me and pick a thick one instead, is it?

I thanked him nonetheless… being very careful not to offend him and make him change his mind about the needle size.  Somehow these doctors are scalpel-happy… they just lurve going a-prickin’ and a-slicing way, don’t they?

Anyway, the doctor’s real nice and caring nurse hushed me like a baby (I was one indeed) and held my hand tight. She even stroked my hair to calm me down. Well she could have given me a pacifier to suckle and still it wouldn’t calm my frayed nerves. As the jab was being administered, the doctor tried to distract me by asking (stupid) questions like ‘where are you teaching?’, ‘what cca are you in?’, ‘what time does school finish’ et cetera and I answered him wondering if had already given me the jab. Wishful thinking of course. The nurse held my hand extra tight at one point and I knew it- The Jab is coming.

I let out a whimper- and then it was over…the jab, that is. Again, the same scrape-scrape procedure, but less painful because this one was not hardened like the last, although I did yelp out somewhere while he was doing it, “I CAN FEEEEL THAT!!!!!” and he said “sorry sorry!”

This time round, I parted with 300 bucks. It was no wonder before the doctor did the procedure, the nurse asked me softly “you got try to burst it yourself or not?”

Hmm. Perhaps I should have.

Since this problem seems to be a recurring one (and all the doctors don’t seem to have an explanation as to how I can PREVENT IT… afterall it is a money-making procedure, right?), I shall bear in mind that the next time I go under the knife, I WILL get someone to accompany me. No point staggering and holding on to pillars and walls to find my way back, sobbing like a baby, everytime.

Breaking the Baking Tradition

Normally around this time of Ramadhan, I would be busy making cookies and what-not for Hari Raya. I always aim to do five, but usually I end up with more. However, this year will be different. I WILL NOT be making any kuih because my mum has already bought MANY kinds of kuih for my house (9 kinds, to be precise!)(GULP!), on top of that, my MIL has also ordered 2 more kinds. Wow. Do I even have enough containers for all the kuih?

I think it’s better that I’m breaking the baking tradition this year, because there’s a lot of wastage involved when you make your own kuih. I’ve realized over the years that people are generally not very interested in eating kuih anymore. It could be due to the fact that I try as best as possible to cook for my guests so they don’t leave hungry, and when you’re faced with chicken wings and gado-gado, who wants to eat kuih, right? Not meeee…..

So, I’m just going to bake the cakes, the kek kukus of course (I have to bake/steam about 6 cakes this time round),  brownies and mayyyybeeee kek lapis. The kek kukus and brownies are a must because I’ve promised a few relatives and friends that I will bake ‘em. And of course I can’t do without them either!

But the BIG DRAG is that the day after raya is a workday and a school day. The poor kiddos are mugging for the exams though, cos raya is smack in the N-levels. And I can imagine their poor parents will be stressed out as well… sigh… I’ll just be stressed out about waking up in the ‘morning after’ heheheh… I’m just hoping I won’t doze off while invigilating the N-level exams or burping the rendang away!

To those who are baking cookies, kudos to you! *salute*
Have fun weighing and measuring and stirring and whisking!

Beginning of The End

One of the benefits of teaching in secondary school (or in my school, at least) is that the exams begin much earlier, thus HOLIDAYS start earlier (yippee!). And this is all for a very good excuse  reason, that is, to make way for the national exams. The Sec 1 to 3 kids begin their glorious hols, making the school a quieter and more conducive place for exams…

I’m  using this last one and a half weeks to recap whatever I have thought in the last 3-4 months, giving them mock tests, revising their peribahasa’s or proverbs (my personal favourite) and et cetera, et cetera. I shall spare you, and not BORE you with details of my lessons to convince you that I am Singapore’s Michelle Pfeiffer in Dangerous Minds.

I cannot tell you enough how much I long for the holidays. Too much. I yearn for the holidays plus rainy season, because holidays in blistering hot weather doesn’t do much good (for me). I yearn to play masak-masak with Ooyah’s spanking new kitchen set (it’s amazing I tell ya) , play with her pony (it chews on things fed into its mouth!!!), and most of all, play with HER.

This is the sweeeeeet beginning of the end (of SCHOOL, at least!)

In the meantime,

Whoa. Like reeeaaallll.

Fall from Grace

It could be the lethargy, or the flu, or perhaps just a spate of klutziness. Maybe it’s my hari bodoh.

It all started last night, upon exiting my bedroom to go to the kitchen, when I first fell. Usually I’m very careful when walking past the common bathroom in that same passage – somehow the mat doesn’t seem to be absorbing wet footsteps very well, and also because toys are carelessly strewn around in that area by you -know-who.  But yesterday one of those wet footsteps got me, I slipped, and I actually did a split (yes, a REAL SPLIT) right smack in front of my in-laws’ door.

Pretty much like this, complete with the hand-action, but minus the trophy.
Oh and I wasn’t wearing a leotard lah of course. That would be too much for the old folks now, wouldn’t it?

I’ve always been amazed when I see people do splits on tv, and always wonder HOW ON EARTH they do it.

But I tell ya, after yesterday, I’m not amazed anymore. And YOU don’t have to be amazed anymore too because I can do a split, dammit.  And ANYONE can.
It’s just how much pain you’re willing to endure, that’s all. So try it sometime!

I think the in-laws were quite shocked (more like traumatised) to see me do that split, and my MIL could only make out a feeble “be careful” a few whole seconds after the split. It was so shocking that they didn’t know how to react. Muakakakka.

And whaddya know? Even before the friction burnmarks I suffered can say “YEOWCHH”, today I fell again. I was happily skipping along the path leading towards school – ok not really  happily skipping, but I was happy enough because I was listening to the cute Uncle Hussein singing “jahanamlah dengan dirinya…dapatkah kau beza…cinta ataupun nafsu semataaa…” (lagu apa siak aku dengar pagi-pagi posa ni tak senonoh betol…)-

and suddenly…OPOCOTTT!

I fell again lah. Stepped on a loose rock or something, but luckily this time not a split. Thank god because my pants would surely have split as well and THAT would totally ruin my day (even though I’ve got nice undies on). It was a side-fall thingy; I glamourously  fell to my side, on my right (like duduk bersimpuh liddat lah) and my bag was flung off my shoulder.

And you know, the first thing I did was to grab my fallen earphones and plugged them back in (and I was STILL sitting down on the ground). That just shows how keen I was to NOT miss the chorus of that song (it’s called Halusinasi). Meet Uncle Hussain should be proud of me.

I then looked around to see who saw me fall. Phew thank god not many. A whole PACK of students were walking ahead of me so they missed the show. (Or so I thought…) ONE student from my school who was walking behind me kindly grabbed my hands (in an attempt to pull me up, but she totally underestimated my weight muakakakka) and asked me if was okay. I had to pull myself up holding on to a truck parked next to the path laaa… so uncool. I whimpered a bit, brushed off the dirt from the whole right leg and butt of my pants and  realized I had scraped my foot quite badly. Ouch.

Lucky lucky lucky that I got up in time because right after that came a whole BIGGER PACK of students behind me. That would be so embarrasing…

After my first ML lesson ended, I walked down the stairs to the staff room. Then out of nowhere, I heard a voice looming in the stairwell:

“Cikgu, lain kali jalan baik-baik sket, nanti jatuhhhhh lagi…”

Followed by the cackling of male hyenas. Muaakakakkakakakkakaka.

I couldn’t help but laugh as well, it was so funny. kwangggg asam punya budak…

So now my right leg totally hurts, from yesterday and today. Not to mention my bruised ego….

NO MORE walking briskly on tempo to Meet Uncle Hussain songs- they are so good my mind is warped-

and NO MORE short nightgowns at home – I’m pretty sure Ramli’s parents saw my thighs and a leeeeetle bit more…ouhhh…how traumatic…(for them)

And please God- no more falls… at least not in front of in-laws and STUDENTS!

*buries face in pillow*