Soulja Boy
Dear Abang Sojar,
My back hurts from sitting too much and there’s no one to put koyok on my backy-wacky for me. 
*yeah, I’m classic like that. Koyok for my aches (but NOT headaches okay)*
I take it back, totally, that I can get through exams without you.
Ooyah misses you very much, and since she’s been ‘neglected’, she tries very hard to seek attention from me and somehow she’s having another growth spurt, this very week. Just my luck.
SUDDENLY she’s racing around the house on her Lamborghini, u-turning and manouevering sharp corners (macam tokyo drift),
SUDDENLY she’s COUNTING (one, tuuu, teeeeeee!) *GASP! WHERE THE HELL DID SHE LEARN THAT?* 
SUDDENLY she’s collecting all my Sims-cd cases and demanding them to be opened with ’B-kak! B-kak!!!’ (Bukak ler tuuu…)
AND AND AND…..
…she took 3 STEPS from your mom’s bed to the console. *mouth agape…* So many months of WAITING and NOW it happens?
I didn’t miss it. I’m sorry you did.
But don’t worry, I told her to WAIT for you to come home to pull more stunts. Who knows maybe she’ll be able to jump rope ke, do cartwheels ke, poo in the toilet ke, or even, do the Soulja Boy…
Sure do hope her growth spurt lasts a long time, at least till next week? :S
And I sure do hope you’ll have a good breakfast tomorrow to make up for the ration/army biscuits for dinner.
Can’t wait for Saturday.
XXXXX
Bini Sojar
P.S This one’s for you. Maybe when you and your mates can ‘crank’ it since you’re all bored.
7 in 72
Yes. That’s the number of hours (7) of shuteye that I’ve got in 72 hours. I’m getting by with about 2 hours of sleep (SURELY even less) in one day, 3 hours for actual exam-sitting, 1 hour to and fro travelling time, crapping (dunno why but I’ve been crapping lots- must be the amount of SHIT INFO I’m cramming into my head and other parts of the body), 1hr a day to play with poor Ooyah… the rest….CRAMMING. I try to get some sleep at 5 or 6am only to wake at 7, and being paranoid about oversleeping, I take a shower before bed, put on my clothes, apply make-up, watch, perfume, teeth brushed (and then brush again lah, I’m not that gross okay). Maybe I should just sleep at the void deck.
You KNOW you’re sleepy when:
- you eat half the aluminium foil base of a slice of cake and don’t notice it until there’s a sharp pain in your throat
- you put your contact lenses on the wrong eye (and there’s a significant difference in degree between both), and you don’t think there’s anything wrong with very blurred vision
- you give the taxi driver $2 for the ride and ask for change
- you put on your earphones for one hour before realizing that there’s no mp3 player at the other end
- you add tap water to the 3 scoops of coffee powder in the mug and wonder if the beans have gone bad
I’m sure I’ll have more mishaps in the days to come.
Last semester I was totally unprepared for the exams, having only a day or two before papers to revise. This time round, I must admit I’ve had plenty of time to study, about 3 weeks of serious revision, really really (must check out my amazing neat and colourful notecards that I painstakingly prepared).
There’s a moral to learn from all this; how EARLY or LATE you start to prepare and revise isn’t important at all- at the end of the day, it’s actually what you read in the freaking last 24 hours (or last 2 hours, even) that MATTERS. Cos that’s all that goes into your head and actually STICKS.
3 weeks of preparation, and when I look at my pretty notes….alamak…why do the words look so unfamiliar, eh?
*bangs head against wall*
Which means, back to talking to oneself (regurgitation of facts/ arguing out points/ cursing many many people) and highlighting highlighting highlighting.
Anyway, the HEAVIEST module this sem with 6 freaking essays to write in 2 1/2 hours was cleared on Monday. After leaving the exam hall, a huge load of the whole exam thing was lifted off my shoulders. Surprisingly I don’t feel so stressed or fearful of the other papers as I did for that particular paper. Thank GOD it’s the first of four papers and not the last or I’d be nerve-wrecked the whole time. And to think I spent 70% of the three weeks of revision on THAT paper alone. BOLLOCKS!
And today’s paper, I totally LOVE. I’ve never felt so bloody good about an exam paper. If only all exam papers were like that, breezy. I felt so glad that I could answer ALL the questions (well too, I must say ‘cos I checked all my answers against my notes yeehawwww!), even the choice once heheh, and I was ’self-marking’ the paper, highlighting the main points brought up (to help the lecturer), perfecting my diagrams which were labelled/drawn in multi-coloured ink in the excess time, and I’m really PRAYING that I would be rewarded duly for it, Insyaallah. PLEAAAAASSEEEE GIMME ITTTT!!!!!
I have two more papers to go, one in 6 hours’ time, and the LAST one on Friday. I’m feeling relaxed, and I’m not too sure if that’s a good thing. I’m convinced I’m saturated with info, and any addition to the cranium space will result in cancelling out old info (pretty much like that over-charging handphone battery effect).
I can’t wait for Friday. And I can’t wait for Cpl. Burger to come home.
10,000
(what the…THIRD entry in ONE NIGHT?????)
Looked at the counter and yeah. I’ve had 10,000 visitors here at 4.48am on 19th November 2007.
You don’t win any prizes though, whoever you may be.
Okay get your ass back to STUDYING, WOMANNN!!!!
My Study Buddy.
I can’t get by without you.
You have seen the best and worst of me these few weeks…
And you give me the STRENGTH, and
ENERGY to stay up all night, watch the sky turn from pitch black to sunshiny bright.
We can do this, Nes, yes we can. You and me, till Friday. All the way.
(I’m addicted to writing up a post everytime I take a break. Which is often. What is wrong with me?)
Down. Low.
I’m actually feeling rather down typing this. In five hours’ time, my husband will leave for reservist training and will only return on saturday afternoon.
I didn’t think I’d be feeling sad or anything, but the feeling just set in after seeing how Ooyah and her papa played with each other as much as they could, and seeing that look on his face. That sad look.
He sure is gonna miss her, and she’s gonna miss him a lot that’s for sure. Why does it have to happen the week I have my freaking exams? At least if I weren’t having my exams I could bring her out, or sleepover at my parents, and definitely spend more time with her. I feel sorry for her, that she’ll be waiting and waiting for her Papa to come home (this happens every night and at times when he returns home later than usual, she’ll put up a fight to stay up, just to see him).
I feel sorry for him too; he’ll be staring at her pictures (he loaded up his phone with as many images as possible) and even contemplated on bringing her pillowcase with that sourish-sweet Ooyah smell. He of course decided not to after imagining what a fun time the officers will have when they inspect his stuff and find a brightly-coloured cartooned pillowcase.
I’m really hoping that he’ll get to get out for a few hours some nights, hopefully EVERY night so at least father and child will get to spend some time together. Afterall, the camp is a $5 taxi ride away. Okay, I’m exaggerating there. It’s $4.
And about my exams? Well I joked in my previous entry about how him being there by my side is crucial for me to get through this. Little did I know, hell yeah, I DO need him to be home while I slog my brain out every day till Friday! Yeah, even if it means having him just sleeping in the bedroom while I sit in the study room. His presence alone, his snores, (believe it or not) IS a form of moral support. How the hell am I gonna get through this? *wails hysterically and beating chest*
Ouch.
Damn I’m feeling really low right now. *blows nose*
I Want to Break Free…
After days and days of JUST STUDYING (oklah, I do stop to eat/pee/shit/bathe/pray/SLEEP sometimes and watch Seinfeld and play with Ooyah…) I decided to GO OUT today. After deliberating for a long time, I decided to take up my family’s offer of ‘keluar jalan-jalan’. Initially I thought of just handing over Ooyah to them cos the girl has pretty much gone a bit delirious after staying home for days on end (she screams and screams and pulls her hair, demanding to GO OUT. Delirious, no?) I thought to myself, if my family took her out, I’d get EXTRA time to study (read:peace and quiet in the comfort of home, no library visit FOR ONCE).
So at the last minute, I thought, what the heck. I’ve pretty much worked very hard and I need a short break. Safe to say, I have managed to cover the topics necessary for all FOUR exams, so now it’s the arduous job of writing out points and essays (based on memory understanding!) and check if I managed to answer ‘predicted questions’ sufficiently. I am really very afraid of reaching saturation point, and definitely afraid of FORGETTING. God help me.
What eventually started out as a plan to be home by 7 or 8 was totally busted.
We reached home at 11PM after our food-gallivant at Vivocity and Harbourfront.
Which also resulted in an impulse worthy buy costing us $1500 (who would’ve thought the initial intention of buying a $200 small tv for the in-laws ended up with US buying one for our room instead??? Apa sey…)
*It’s worth it, husband, really. Really really.*
Needless to say, I was TIRED by the time we reached home. My left hand especially SORE after filling out about 6 million lucky draw coupons from the purchase of the tv. I got so tired writing out my particulars that at one point, I asked the salesman, “Tell me ah, really really one. There’s NO GRAND PRIZE, right?”, half hoping he’d say “Nope. Hehe. No prize, just a scam” so that I can STOP writing. But he said “REALLY GOT!” Ah well.
Ooyah decided to make it all the more exciting by staying up till ONE. Somehow lately, putting her to bed is quite an ordeal…hmm….biasaaaaa dia eh!
So here I am, at 6am, with piles of Islam notes. I’m currently trying to write out essays based on the ‘hinted questions’ and checking it against my notes. Oh bother. Dakwah revivalisme…. puritannical….Syed Qutb…Utopianisme…
All these words are playing ping-pong in my head.
Times like these I wish I was ambidextrous like my dad. 
I reckon I will hit the sack at 9am later. Just gonna wrap up my Islam revision, and not gonna touch it again till the night before the exam, that is, Wednesday. Tomorrow I will have to regurgitate my Semantics knowledge. My poor poor left hand.
And tomorrow, will be the last night my husband will be right beside me for my exam revisions. He will be away on the call of duty, far far far away in the deepest jungles of JURONG, so I’m gonna be very saaaad and helpless, owing to the fact that my husband won’t be giving me moral support, massage my aching body, serve me coffee, cheering me on with pom-poms, giving me words of motivation and encouragement, the way he has every day since I started school…oh how am I supposed to get through the exams without you, husband?
Riiiiiiiiiiggggghhhhhhhhhhhhtttttt.
*Kak Kin, macam pernah dengarrrrrr je cita soppy ni? Kan kan kan????*
Anyway, best of luck to you, soldier. Don’t miss your baby and me too much; you may be very very far away in JURONG but remember, we are always IN your heart. *uwekkkkkkkkkkk takleh angkat siakkkk!!!!!*
And best of luck to me too for the exams. Can’t wait for Friday. I just can’t wait……I don’t know for how long more i can retain ALL THESE INFO IN MY OLD BRAIN…sigh.
Dream On.
In studying for the exams, I need to listen to motivational music.
No, spare me the Enyas and the hymns please.
I need my Minah Rawkkk to help me rawkkk onnnn….
This song makes me wanna do a lot of things.
1) start a student revolution (NIE? Naaaaah. Waste my current only.)
2) hold up a lighter and sway to the riffs (although I must add, I actually CANNOT light a lighter)
3) rip off my shirt (I don’t think the NLB librarians will notice, really.)
I cannot believe there’s not a single proper MTV for this amazing song. Tsk.
Of course the original rendition is better, with his youthful voice then…this one like sloooowwwwww liddat.
Steve Tyler is quite cute from afar (can even make out the resemblance to Liv?)
….but up close, he’s scaaaaarrryyy….
Every time that I look in the mirror,
All these lines on my face getting clearer.
The past is gone,
It went by like dusk to dawn.
Isn’t that the way?
Everybody’s got their dues in life to pay.
I know nobody knows,
Where it comes and where it goes.
I know it’s everybody’s sin,
You got to lose to know how to win.
Half my life’s in books’ written pages,
Live and learn from fools and from sages.
You know it’s true,
All the things come back to you.
Sing with me, sing for the years,
Sing for the laughter and sing for the tears.
Sing with me, if it’s just for today,
Maybe tomorrow the good Lord will take you away.
Sing with me, sing for my year,
Sing for my laughter and sing for my tear.
Sing with me, if it’s just for today,
Maybe tomorrow the good Lord will take you away.
Dream on, dream on, dream on,
Dream yourself a dream come true.
Dream on, dream on, dream on,
Dream until your dream comes true.
Dream on, dream on, dream on, dream on,
Dream on, dream on, dream on, yeah.
Sing with me, sing for my year,
Sing for my laughter and sing for my tear.
Sing with me, if it’s just for today,
Maybe tomorrow the good Lord will take you away.
Sing with me, sing for my year,
Sing for my laughter and sing for my tear.
Sing with me, if it’s just for today,
Maybe tomorrow the good Lord will take you away.
It’s that time of the year…
…when I hear you whining and lamenting about your FATE.
How god is extra evil to you, hmm, and you wonder why.
Well I don’t anymore.
How our lives are ’so much better and easier and smooth sailing’ compared to yours.
How we should be so lucky (lucky lucky lucky! I should be so lucky in love!) (oops can’t help breaking into song.)
How we should be so lucky that love is all around (I feel like breaking into song again. I feel it in my fingers, I feel it in my toes…)
How we should be so lucky that our children are well and happy and bouncy and never, nay NEVER for a second ask for our attentions while we toil and MY- our children never ever ever fall sick, do they?
Are we lucky or WHAT?
So it seems that the whole world is against you, poor thing.
And the whole world had BETTER sympathise with you.
Those who don’t, tsk tsk tsk. How heartless and cruel.
(We can’t empathise, you see, as we HAVE BEEN SO FREAKING LUCKKEHHHH not to have a SINGLE problem in our lives.)
We are so lucky, aren’t we.
Try your best to make everyone feel guilty that we had it easy while you didn’t.
Tell the whole world, how it’s extra difficult for you. Not difficult, EXTRA difficult.
And you are a martyr for surviving it all.
I will let you delude yourself, if that makes you feel happy. Because I do feel sorry for you, barren of any happiness.
Because your pathetic complaints and laments do get me down.
Go ahead and use this as the excuse for your incompetence
Your laziness.
Go ahead and tell everyone YOU are the victim of the vicious, heartless me.
The vicious heartless me who refuse to be manipulated and used by you anymore.
Gladly, I know you need an army of slaves to make you feel better
To do your job when you need to do what you do best, which is-
NOTHING.
So please, recruit new slaves, quick, before EVERYONE starts to see through you.
How will you ever survive if, god forbid, no one pities you anymore?
Does that mean- gasp- YOU’VE GOT TO WORK NOW?
Yikes. Now THAT’S a nightmare.
It doesn’t matter at all what your believers think of me.
They haven’t had a piece of your rotten cake.
The truth is, amidst our glorious lives,
Our children do get sick
Our lives are filled with trying moments as well
We do shed tears once in a while
And our hearts do break.
The difference is:
We deal with it, whatever challenges we’re faced with
We don’t seek sympathy from just about EVERYONE.
And the best part:
We get on with our lives WITHOUT using it to manipulate others.
We don’t go that low, so in a sense,
you have reached the lowest point in your life and I do feel sorry for you.
For you,
I do think it’s time for you to stop manipulating everyone.
Your life really isn’t bad. Really. Others have it worse.
And may I remind you, you brought it all upon yourself.
Oh you know you did.
So get over it already. It’s getting old.
Be thankful for what you have, and quit cursing your freaking fate.
And my advice to you, if your life is really really so so bad beyond rescue,
take the plunge.
For the naive believers,
go ahead and be the selfless, sympathising, sincere souls that you are.
I don’t know how else to say this, but,
here goes;
Wait till you let yourselves be effed in the ass many times over by the two-faced snake,
and then please, get back to me with your horror story.
I’d like to empathise and, please, do allow me to say just this:
I told you so.
Vintage Lies, Lust, Sin and other tasty stuff.
I know, I know, I’m supposed to be STUDYING.
But I can’t help talking about my VERY GOOD FIND today. 
These two books, and such lovely cover designs too, for only $16. Even less actually. From POPULAR the ‘Bilingual Bookshop’. Haha. I told you it’s a GOOD FIND.
This pair is named the ‘Vintage Lies’ set, and there’s others like ‘Vintage Lust’ which consists of Martin Amis’ ‘The Rachel Papers and Henry Fielding’s ‘Tom Jones’, there’s ‘Vintage Sin’ and even ‘Vintage Fantasy’.
I’m gonna get ‘em all (after the exams!) but I simply CAN’T let this particular pair go, just in case they run out of it. I read Atonement when I was in Sec 4, and I was captivated by it, especially how a child’s vivid imagination and fantasy ruined the lives of others. Oh, and also how serving one’s life as a nurse can be regarded as atonement for one’s wrongdoings. Hmm.
I can’t wait for the movie to be out (very soon!), and hopefully I’ll get to read it once through again before I watch the movie.
About the other book in the set, well I haven’t read that yet but having read James’ The Turn of The Screw, I reckon it’ll be a good read as well. Oh gawd I CAN’T WAIT FOR MY EXAMS TO BE OVERRRR!!!!!!!
Okay now back to Malay Mode.
10 days to EXAMS, 14 to HOLIDAYS.
So my exams will commence on the 20th of November, which is 10 days from now.
But I’d like to look BEYOND that, which is 23rd of November. That’s when my HOLIDAYS begin. Yippehh.
I haven’t got the jitters yet, although when I arrange my notes and compile questions and answers, I do wonder if I am able to cover em all. I just…wonder. No panic attacks (yet).
So far I’ve stayed up all night, all the way till 4 or 5am. Nearer to the exam dates, I’ll have to stay up even longer, say, 8am so that I can cover much more.
In the daytime, there is no way in hell I can get to study in my study (room). You-know-who will come crawling in, tugging at my skirt to be carried onto my lap and slobber all over my laptop. Plus I don’t feel good studying (which may seem like relaxing to old folks) while the in-laws scurry all over the house after baby.
At about 2pm, after having played masak-masak with her, I trudged over to the library across the street lugging my notes and stuff, on the pretext of going to school. Well the intent is at least the same, which is to study, so I don’t see it as lying. I could, of course, REALLY go to school, but I think NIE is equally crowded with everyone mugging (and making out).
Oh did I tell you, NIE is a real great place to make out? (I’ve seen it happen many times tsk tsk tsk and I really enjoy telling ‘em make-outters off. Haha. Sour grapes lah sket.)
Where was I?
Oh. About the library.
I don’t know what it is about the library, but there is something seriously wrong going on about the place. It is NOT at all QUIET. Kids are screaming, playing catch, teenagers are talking loudly, about their econs notes, aunties are chattering in dialect LOUDLY… and librarians do not seem to mind it at all.
I found myself a seat in the event area, with a stage, which has been converted into a study area. All around me are teenagers, possibly mugging for their A’s, studying or pretending to.
Then it occured to me. Mana bebudak melayu kita pegi? Dorang tak belajar ke?
The five hours I was at the library, I didn’t see a single budak kita. I did see them outside the library though, sitting at the park bench and, what else, making out or as husband puts it, buat luar.
At around six, I saw a girl, budak kita. So decent and baik looking. She was studying. From my jc summore. That’s nice to see.
Then five minutes later, a boy, budak kita jugak, came. Wielding a hockey stick in his hand. Then the expected happened.
They made out. Aiseybedahhhh. Decent-nonsense ah this girl.
The best part was, a librarian walked past them, orang kita jugakkkk, and didn’t seem to think there’s anything wrong with it. I wonder if she’d even bat an eyelid if there was some reallll actionnnn going on there. I guess I’d have to be the freaking one who’ll alert them and make a big fuss before they’ll do something.
I had to do it of course. They sat about 3 metres away from me, and I was too embarrased to be in the midst of it all. People were LOOKING and I couldn’t bear to see it. So I did it. Somehow in the midst of necking they managed to look my way, and I shot them a “APA KORANG BUAT NI?!!!” (Read: WTF are you doing???)
That was enough to make them stop, grudgingly of course. For goodness sakes, blardy do it in the park or at the void deck lah for all I care. Not in the LIBRARY with young kids and those kids STUDYING!
I think I am in dire need of a better place to study because obviously it ain’t working for me.
