Reflections: Fatherly-nah and Her Supposed Son.

Posted in Teacher's Tales on January 4, 2010 by deianira

Some sporadic thoughts of info on first day of school in this ‘BETTER-than-last’ year. Too much info, too little time lah… :)

  • can’t help but burst out laughing everytime the Sec 1 kids muster enough guts to ask me this (this is the 2nd time this question was posed to me)
    “Cikgu, sekolah ni takde padanglah. Cikgu tau tak kat mana kita boleh main kejar-kejar?”
    (teacher, this school doesn’t have a football field. Do you know where we can play catch?)
    No.1: The word kejar-kejar (play catch) is almost extinct in sec sch. No one wants to admit they know what it means! Cannot imagine my grown-up-ish sec4s playing kejar-kejar for their beaus to see. All that action-macho flushed down the loo.
    No.2: Of all people, WHY ASK ME? DO I LOOK like I remotely enjoy playing kejar-kejar? (unless they think I’m forever It, of course….)
  • during assembly, my Level Manager highlighted this point to the students:
    “If you have any problems, do not hesitate to approach your level managers and assistant level managers. (I’m one of ‘em). We are FAAAAA-THER-LY, very FAAAA-THEr-LY…  (and motherly, he said later).
    I swear I sat up thinking that my name was called. Paiseh.
    Which got me thinking…. I’m Fatherly-nah. But I’m really quite motherly. Misnomer, no?
    (useless knowledge of the day: someone in the staff room does call me Madeline…. but ONLY BECAUSE he thinks I’m MAD, not motherly. Tsk.)
  • went on stage to speak to the Sec 1s about conversational ML/CL. Totally unprepared. Powerpointslide-less. Impromptu. And, not bad actually.
  • A colleague said she saw me during the hols with my son. And another one asked me how my son is. And if I allowed him to, he could probably convince me that I do have a son. Hmm. Fishy. Will not even contemplate how else I can make Sarah look more girly than she is. (pink ribbons overload next outing)
  • I didn’t have ONE BREAK since 7.30, all the way to 1.30. Boo. And even when the final bell rang, I was still not done. I left at 4pm, half of the 200 things on my list left undone- only because I suddenly realized I haven’t eaten a single thing and was STARVING. And you know, ’starving’ and ‘me’ just don’t go well together. Which means- abandon ship. Just gotta do what I gotta doooo. No fuel = no work baybeh.
  • I did drink lotsa water t0day- downed 3 bottles of water (500mlx3)- PLAIN WATER. Because teacher talked too much and too loud after a two-month hiatus, talking like normal human beings do. So the parched throat helped me reach my 2litre-daily goal. Woohooo?
  • My form class seems good… seems. Hope this assumption sticks THE WHOLE YEAR.
  • Spent nearly $150 buying nonsense I don’t need from the likes of Japan Home, Popular and Guardian. But the fulfilment of eating a $20 fish-and-chips meal: PRICELESS. (HEY, because I’m worth it ok. And much more than that.)

That’s all from me today. Hmph. Still quite a long entry huh. MUST. BE. CONCISE.

Epilogue: A Series of Unfortunate (2009) Events

Posted in Celebration on December 31, 2009 by deianira

New Year’s eve is here, and for ONCE, I can’t wait for the new year to come. Yeah sure, what difference does one day make you say, but somehow the digits 2009 just didn’t work out well for me. Could be the numerology I suppose. I’m not even asking for fabulous things to happen to me in 2010- all I’m asking for is a normal, non-eventful year.If I were to plot on a graph how I want the events in the year to be, please give me a straight line (any value above zero will do, thank you). I don’t need the spikes if the dips are gonna plunge beyond zero.

2009 has been challenging. At home, at work. Too many tears shed and the outlook was bleak. The Ox sure played up its long-suffering, “I persevere” motto to the fullest. Too bad that the ox will technically only stop ploughing through my life in February, but I’m just gonna pretend the Tiger will come in on 1st January as well. Bring the cat in already. ME-owwww!!!

Why am I talking like I’m an astrologer/ a geomancer/cat anyway? Oh yes. So I could blame everything on something. :)

Because I would like to believe that 2010 will be a better year, I WILL make resolutions. Ah. Perhaps that’s it. I never did make resolutions for 2009…. that’s why…. (something new to blame). Plus, I remember I started the year feeling so… void of hope (I won’t use the word ‘useless’). Bleak.

So here goes, for better or worse, my resolutions for 2010.

Home
1) I will make sure whatever little time I spend with Sarah will be meaningful. And in saying that,
2) I will spend more QUALITY time with Sarah and Ramli. Yes. You.
3) I will spend wisely as opposed to frivolously so we can get ‘that place there’ by 2012.
4) I will devote more time just for family outings- just us three.
5) AT LEAST ONCE A WEEK, I will leave school (for home) the moment it is permissable to do so.

Work
1) I will finish marking whatever work on the same day students hand in their work. *gulp*. I shall not go home until this target is met. Which means…
2) I will not be overambitious and give out more work than I can mark in a day. *smart eh?*
3) I will be more organized and set one hour at the end of my teaching day doing all my filing and paperwork. Religiously.
4) I will be pro-active at work. *Okay maybe I should be more realistic and start at ‘active’.*
5) I will stop doodling/ rolling my eyes/ cracking jokes / gossip-non-verbally during staff meetings. I banish you, cheeky sense of humour!
6) I will stay in school AT LEAST until 4 everyday (just so I get everything prepared for the next day and not have to bring my work home or fret about it!) Justifications, justifications…. No more ‘ON YOUR MARK, GET SET, GO!’ moments for me while waiting for the last bell to ring). Ha!

Personal
1) This is a FIRST FOR ME, SPEWING SUCH ‘UN-ME’ THINGS, so humour me please and STOP SNIGGERING. I’m serious.

- I will take better care of my health, and get rid of that mantra “ROUND IS A SHAPE ROUND IS A SHAPE ROUND IS A SHAPE SO I AM IN SHAPE.” This translates to the following sub-resolutions:
- I will drink more water. I am way too dehydrated and water-retentive. (It’s not fats, it’s water.)
- I will NOT call for a cab just because I don’t want to walk out of school UPHILL to the busstop. I WILL WALK UP THAT DAMN HILL. *ok it’s a slope, really, but any incline is uphill for me hokay. Don’t talk so much ah, why don’t YOU try carrying a cow on your back and walk up that ’slope’?*
- I will go for walks around the neighbourhood with Sarah and my mom in the evenings before Maghrib. And NOT stop at the murtabak shop.
- I will think happy thoughts and BE happy. Positive, not negative! (Right now ‘happy thoughts ’ means ‘food fantasies’.)

2) I will read read read read. And maybe write. :)
3) I will spend more ME time (with ME lah). Pamper myself, watch chick-flicks and read chick-lit and not be ashamed to admit I enjoyed it, savour a cuppa and read, reflect…
4) I will learn how to forgive. Believe in the power of forgiveness. Be the magnanimous person I know I can be, and let go. Afterall, hate is like cancer. It consumes you completely. *cheesy I know, but TRUE okay…*
5) I will be NON-CONFRONTATIONAL. Again, let it go, let it go…. inhale, exhale…..
*which reminds me of the NUMEROUS near catfights and bitchfits I get into with perfect strangers when they just shove you aside trying to get out of the lift/ not holding the lift for you when you’re struggling with a pram/ fighting for seats at eateries (you don’t want to be irritating and stand right beside the diner, so you just loom around near enough, and when the diner lifts his butt off the chair, some bloody *&*$*# comes out from NOWHERE NEAR and just pounces on the seat. FIGHT LAH!)/ fighting for parking space (same scenario, but in a car of course)/fighting for taxis (I am a very ethical taxi-waiter; I WILL NOT cut a ‘queue’- so I will do crazy things like stand in front of the taxi of some bastard who cuts me. And tell them to get out.) Yes, I go crazy like that, and it scares ME at times.
6) I will say this AGAIN because I got ANGRY and got my heart palpitating  just recalling those too-frequent CONFRONTATIONS/ FIGHTS:
I WILL LEARN HOW TO LET THINGS GO. Stop getting so caught up with ‘fighting for my rights’, and expecting some people to be civilised. It’s bloody Singapore lah. If you can’t beat em, join em. Learn how to cut queue and appreciate the cheap thrill. Don’t press the lift button for others, just watch how funny they look when the heavy lift doors close in on them. Speak loudly into someone’s face. Pick my nose like there’s no tomorrow and flick the booger at someone. What the hey. It’s all fun I’m sure.
I WILL BE LESS ANGRY. Why torture my blood pressure and overworked heart with anger when I can do so with tasty fatty food?
I WILL CURSE LESS. Save all that dirty talk for some other situation.
I WILL NOT GET A INTO A BITCHFIT IN PUBLIC EVEN THOUGH MY PARENTS ENJOY SEEING ME IN MY AMERICAN GLADIATOR JOUST STANCE. (And I always win).

And… last but not least….
7) I will devote more time for being at one with The Almighty… no more ‘qadha’ lah nanti… or kejap lagi….no more skipping. Every one matters… I take my hat off to anyone who can fulfill all five waktus, I really do, and must admit, I’m always getting into that ’buat mana yang dapat’ kinda mindset. I’m so bad. And when I’ve been bad, I comfort mysef when I lapse, let’s say, Zuhur, by saying things like ‘at least I got Subuh…’ I have to change that lah.  I know full well that mindset should not even exist. And when I do , I hope to spend more time for longer wirids, du’as, zikirs… I can see what a big difference it makes to my state of mind/ perception of things/ mood and temperament. I never fail to realize that sometimes when things go out of whack or didn’t turn out the way you planned, it could simply be a reminder of how powerful prayer is. STOP PROCRASTINATING ALREADY! It’s affecting all aspects of my life; work, family, spiritually…. get everything on track!

So, those (wahhh so many) resolutions- I will try the best I can. Really really really. I’m SOOO raring to go that I’m starting some of them now. Like target-setting for students, I think I have set quite realistic goals, even though I admit- they may not ALL AT THE SAME TIME be achievable (if you think about it some can be quite contradictory, oh well, better than NO resolutions right?

Happy New Year to everyone. HAPPY. Remember that. May 2010 be a good year for you, as it will be for me. *positive, positive!*

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Blowing My Own Horn (Because blowing somebody else’s is just disgusting!)

Posted in Teacher's Tales on November 27, 2009 by deianira

This year is quickly coming to an end. This has to be one of the fastest a year has gone by and I honestly can’t say if that is a good or bad thing.

But one thing’s for sure, a lot of shitty things have happened this year, so I guess it’s good that time was fleeting by.

And I’m a firm believer of ‘every cloud has a silver lining’, so those shitty things- well some of them aren’t looking so bad now. Some of them.

As there is no such thing known as a ‘restful holiday’ for teachers, all of us took home our share of 2010 duties/ responsibilities/ expectations for the one month holiday. As the PSD God was heard saying,” Go, go yonder and book that air ticket, oh civil servant… I shall bog thy spirit with unsettling thoughts of WORK while you attempt to laze on that deck chair, muahahahahahhaha!!! “

(“But don’t fret because I am giving you a 0.25 month bonus capped at $750 dollars okay, so BE THANKFUL!”) he added.

For me, I took home a bit more. No. Not bonus. $750 cap, blardy beets- so I’m at the losing end here. Work, I mean. This school has given me a lot of opportunities to shine, and boy have I shone. During my boss’ absence, I was given the chance to lead the department- well notinsomuch lead, more of managing and making sure things don’t screw up and if they do, keep it a secret. Haha. I did try to do my best though, and I couldn’t have done it without the help (and conspiracy!) of my wonderful accomplices colleagues.

And it so seems that it was a blessing that I am in my school’s Staff Welfare Committee. Turns out that the Food and Beverage ambassador doesn’t just order tonnes of biscuits from Khong Guan to keep the school’s workforce alive after the (sucky) canteen stalls close, nor does she stop at ordering cartons upon cartons of 3-in-1 milos, nescafes, and what have yous- none of which she can consume and savour (thanks to the palm oil allergy). (Oh yeah- that’s another thing to add under my ‘Shitty Year’ list). She’s more than that! (Defensive nampak?) I don’t just deal with food and beverages ok- I also write emails to inform the staff of whatever event SWC organizes. Why? This is funny because- A LOT of the activities organized by SWC has a lot to do with FOOD! So FOOD= FADELINAH. Ask anyone in TW and they’ll tell you that!

Apparently, the emails I write are different. Totally disregarding the fact that work email has to be (1) formal, (2) concise and (3) short, I have totally beat the red lights of this unwritten rule and voila! Scored high points for it!

I just can’t help but be longwinded and un-serious. Really. My emails have managed to make the colleagues laugh, and they tell me that they love my emails. So many of them have come up to me to tell me to keep my emails coming in because it makes them lighten up. Of course this makes me feel real good, c’mon, gimme some credit hahaha! Really appreciate them for appreciating me! Some even tell me that they let their kids read my emails because they find it funny. But I must admit- the greatest compliment has got to come from my principal and vice-principals- they are very encouraging and tell me that I have ‘a funny bone’ (???) and that I set a positive mood amongst the staff. Oh betchabygollyWOW!  Is that a compliment or WHAT?

And, another great compliment- the principal’s missus even came up to me and gave me a big pat on the back, telling me that she enjoys reading my emails! She even tells him to let her know if I sent any new ones. Hmmm…. maybe I should tell her that I have a blog she can read???? Ideas, ideas….

Okay, to tell you the truth, the emails are not hohohoho funny lah, I do sound like I’m talking though, in my emails. Lots of puns, and wordplay, that’s all. I also make fun of things (calculated risks have been made!) and thank god, everyone in TW has a good sense of humour. Or else dah lama aku mampos, making fun of people.

Anyway (I do digress when I’m boasting, don’t I? :P ), somehow or other, I became prominent (and not just due to my size, may I add) and my work has not gone unnoticed. So what this means is….. MORE WORK NEXT YEAR! Wooooots!!!!

(Am I actually happy? Well actually- YES!)

For a start, I will be appointed as Assistant Level Manager for Sec 3- this is sorta like a discipline-master kinda job, but more than that (WHOAAA Nelly!) I have also been appointed as the main I/C for the school’s concert band (I’m kinda scared about this one…. big job big job…). On top of that, I have been chosen to be in the school’s marketing committee; I will be taking over my 2nd VP’s job of giving talks to primary 6 kids, so that they’ll choose to come to TW. This is also something I’m worried about… I asked the man why I was chosen and he said that my charisma will work wonders with the kids (whoaaaa- like captivate them? I can???) plus I ’speak very well’, he said.

Wait a sec- I don’t think he got that right. I don’t actually really speak well. I get nervous as hell speaking up, I swear. If I don’t mentally-bitchslap myself while I’m speaking, I would actually end up mumbling nonsense. Now how did he gather that I ’speak well’? So I told him that perhaps I sound better when I WRITE, and he is confused because one can ‘hear me’ when reading what I write. Right?

:)

But but but he assured me that I can speak well (oh well okayyy then if you insist!) but I’m telling you , his are big shoes to fill. He is Mr Charisma alright. I am nowhere close. What he said about MY charisma, naaaah. He was just talking about HIS charisma. I can, at most, do a Karishma Kapoor.

So, in and attempt to cut the long story short, I actually have A LOT OF WORK TO DO NEXT YEAR, even before next year starts. I have been (secretly) identified by the upper management as a potential leader and although I seriously as hell cannot fathom how I can be a leader (I doodle like mad during serious meetings and roll my eyes to show discontent), somehow, I just have to learn to be one. I have GOT to clean up my act (and my table, my filing), I HAVE to be more organized (can somebody PLEASE conduct a workshop on this tough one???!!!) and definitely- stop procrastinating!

Mark your papers everyday!

File your papers and reports as they come!

Be a toughie and no more Mrs Nice Gal (as opposed to Mr Nice Guy?)

Stop doodling!

Stop rolling your eyes when something official strikes you as being silly!

Read books on leadership, and PLEASE DON’T roll your eyes or say “Oh COME ONNNN!!!!” (out loud) when you’re reading them!

*rolls eyes*

Okay somebody stop me.

So remember, whether a bot is made

of new parts, old parts or spare parts…        

…you can shine

no matter what you’re made of.

                                             – ‘Robots’ (2005)

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